I’m tired today – I’ve been trying to force myself to go to bed at 9pm instead of 10 or 11, because I figure that would give me a more solid night’s sleep. But it hasn’t worked that way. I go to bed at 9am and my brain is still wired – it thinks about everything a person doesn’t need to be thinking about at that hour. Stress is not a lullaby, I’ve discovered (don’t worry, I didn’t just discover that fact). Not that I’m getting too much stress in my new job, but since there isn’t too much to frett about at work, my mind thinks up other things to worry about. Isn’t that lovely?
Because I’m tired – I can either be goofy or emotional. Yesterday I was goofy, and I had a good laugh at lunch while watching a comedian on TV. I was laughing at something I wouldn’t normally laugh at, but it was nice anyway. Today I was called in with another coworker to discuss something that I missed during my training and transition into this new job. I should’ve been logging info into the computer, but two things could’ve happenened – maybe three. One; I may have been told, but during the process it just completely slipped my mind; two; I wasn’t told to enter every single person in our log when in fact I should have; I was just entering certain ones another department would give back to us. Or 3; it was a huge misunderstanding. Right now, I feel stupid, even though I’m 99% sure the oversight was exactly that; a detail that may not have been given to me at the time. But I want to go home and stay there for the rest of the day. I want to avoid making a mistake for the rest of the day.
The meeting wasn’t bad, really – at least most of it. Our director has a tendency to sound like she’s mad at us, but she’s not, she’s just warning us that certain things need to be done a certain way. I really wish she wouldn’t sound like that, though, because even if all she’s doing is giving us a heads-up, she sounds like she’s mad. I just don’t want to appear as a bad, stupid employee, because I’m not.
So right now I’m moody, my self esteem is a bit shakey, and I don’t want to talk to anyone. That’s me in a nutshell.
Anyway, that’s what I’m dealing with today, and that’s just before lunch. Can’t wait to find out what the afternoon will bring. Smiles, rainbows and sunshine, I hope! Followed by a better night’s sleep tonight.
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