So I am in one of those moods where hurtful memories are digging at my memory and nagging me like a backseat driver. I am thankful that I don’t have too many of those bad memories, but the ones I do have do like to resurface.
Awhile back, around the time I was just starting to blog, I was also on another social networking site. Not Facebook, not….blah….MySpace. This was a site where you could see who was checking out your profile and your individual posts….For real, it wasn’t like the Facebook crap that goes around saying that you can check out who’s visiting your profile. But this site also shows how many times a person visited your page. That’s where I was burned….more or less.
Anyway, I seemed to fit into this networking site, making some online friends, having some laughs. For the most part, I really liked that site. Even better, when it started getting quiet, more of my friends on there joined Facebook, and we thankfully communicate on there.
There was one guy, though, who I took an interest in (blindly denying the fact that he was way too far away and well he most likely didn’t feel the same way about me), and we would message back and forth on the site. He told me he took some photos of his new house and neighborhood, and that he’d post them up. Well apparently that was all I needed to read, so I started to visit his profile even more. Lots more…in one day. I don’t want to tell you how many times, I don’t want to scare any of you away. I was just…oblivious to how this appeared through his eyes. Didn’t quite realize I was visiting so often that day….
No worries, though, people! He let me know. To my horror, his next message, although trying to be funny, basically told me to stop visiting his page so much. Ack! He tried to lighten the mood by putting in smiley faces and stuff, but the damage had been done. I think I responded to him at the time that I didn’t realize I had visited him so much. He said he was grateful that at least someone was visiting his page, but that he felt bad that he hardly updates it. We were able to joke a bit after that about other things – I think he visited my page and commented on a random photo. I tried to joke back, tried to show him I wasn’t hurt, while in reality my spirits were totally crushed and I sat there crying it out. He wasn’t aware that, after our little interaction, I was afraid to visit his page from there on out.
So I guess that’s the trick, everyone! If you want me to stay the hell away from your blogs, if you don’t want me scaring you or freaking you out, all you need to do is tell me that I’m “scary” (which he did, but again was trying to joke) and tell me bluntly to stop visiting your blogs. Then voila, you’ll never have to see me again! Magic.
Now that I’m a little more mature, though (I said “a little more”, not a lot), I can see his angle too. It must’ve given him a bit of jolt to see one silly girl visiting his page so much. I must’ve looked like a stalker to him, and that’s not a quality I like to find in myself.
I do tend to catch myself doing that from time to time. Frequenting blogs and Facebook profiles perhaps more than I should (but it is hard to keep away from all of your blogs, seriously – I love reading about my friends). Then when I start feeling myself become the excited pest again, when I feel like I’m starting to smother, I reel it back in and try to provide virtual space. The synapses between calm and spazzy have grown farther apart.
That concludes my awkward confession for today. Stay tuned for another story that resulted from that same networking site (I don’t know when I’ll post it, though). Until then, I’ll post something more cheerful later on today.