A Cornucopia of….Whatevah!

– I made a bold, online purchase last week. I bought the Ab Circle Pro machine, but didn’t buy it through the infomercial. I found it on the Walmart website. I believe it was 100 dollars cheaper than what it’s priced on the commercial, and because I’m ordering it through Walmart’s “Site to Store” process, I don’t have to pay for shipping. And hey, if I’m not happy with the product I will sell it on Ebay. But I really think I will be happy with it, since it works on the “love handles” and abs. Those are the main areas I need to work on. I’m not stupid, people, I know that the people in the commercial didn’t get all fit by just using the Ab Circle. I realize. But just watching it makes my hips scream, so I figure that’s a good sign. Scare my fat cells into submission is my motto. I’ve never wanted a piece of exercise equipment that was advertised on TV before. I bought my exercise bike on sale for $99, and that wasn’t on any infomercial. But I feel like I’ll get more results with my new order. It should be ready next week sometime. I’ll let you know what it’s like. Maybe I should’ve made one day in November to be “Infomercial Appreciation Day”!

– Yesterday I finally had the ambition to fix one of my dining room chairs. It needed to be fixed before Thanksgiving. I think the operation was a success (thanks to the technique my mom taught me awhile ago). Skittles jumped up on the chair last night and seemed to like it. Course she’s pretty light. I sat on the chair earlier and it felt pretty sturdy. You should’ve seen that chair before the repair, though. I tried to keep it together with duct tape and putty compound, but it was still wobbly. I took the tape off yesterday and chipped off the useless, stinky putty. Once I know that the chair is okay for sure, I will repaint the rung. And that concludes today’s episode of “This Old Apartment”.

– I imagined a few scenarios of what would happen if I didn’t fix the chair or if I didn’t fix it correctly. If I let someone else sit on the chair and it collapsed (without that person getting hurt), someone (namely my brother) would joke and say my furniture is useless or cheap crap. Or I’d get a motherly lecture about how I should’ve fixed the chair much sooner. But if I had sacrificed myself to sit on the fragile chair and it collapsed, someone (namely my brother – again) would joke about how I have to lose weight. Catch twenty-two. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt on that thing.

– Sometimes I remember things I’ve said to people and it makes me cringe. They’re really just things I don’t normally say, and they just turn out sounding awkward. I’m a clumsy flirt, you should know that going in. Here are two lines that I wanted to humbly share with you, my friends:

Scene 1: “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced.” I cringe a bit at this because it sounded so proper. I wish I had just said, “Hey, I’m Tara!” and let the introduction take its course. No flirting involved, really, I was just trying to introduce myself to a new coworker who had not been introduced to everyone. He didn’t smile, just neglectfully shook my hand. He worked there for a bit but didn’t stay long.

Scene 2: “So do you have a name other than ‘delivery guy’?” I think this should’ve won some kind of award for the cheesiest line of 2000. I was working at an insurance company, and one of my tasks was to help the regular lady sort the mail and take over if she went on vacation. We had a few delivery or mail guys that were kind of cute. One guy in particular had me all giddy, and just because he said a few words to me I thought we had a future. I was young, stupid and gullible, mm kay? I didn’t like or believe in the game of “Hard to Get”, so I caught myself glaring lustfully at guys before realizing it, but after they’ve backed off and disappeared. I was led astray by someone I mistakenly thought was a confidant who said that the guy really wanted me but was nervous. So the next time I saw my crush, I looked him in the eyes and asked him the godawful question, “So do you have a name other than ‘delivery guy’?”. Ugh. Cringe. He grinned a bit and we introduced ourselves, but that’s the last time I saw him. He quit. Lol. I do have a way with words, don’t I? Sheesh.

– Anyway, next topic…..Um..well there’s nothing much else. I went to choir tonight and the Cackler hurt my ears by singing so sharp. Then she tapped me on the shoulder between songs and said, “I want to play with your hair, it’s so fluffy! You’re my knitting practice!” Okay, just don’t make my hair into a scarf, that’s all I’m sayin’.

– Oo wait, one more thing! I have two blocks of vacation coming up! Yay! First, the entire week of Thanksgiving. Not just Thursday and Friday, but the entire week. Then, a few days after our last graduation ceremony of the year I’m off for a little over a week! Here’s hoping we don’t run into any startling, unhappy events like the last time I planned a vacation. Think happy thoughts!


13 thoughts on “A Cornucopia of….Whatevah!

  1. Well, just make sure that’s not the only thing you use… and take it easy to begin with. and if you want to make it harder, hold a weight between your feet. Not sure you’ll be smiliing like that either.

  2. So glad to hear that the Cackler made an appearance. Maybe she can come over to your place and play with your hair ;)

    Ah, the saying of stupid things… happens to the best of us. Sometimes if you say something stupid but you look confident and own it, well, maybe it’s not quite as bad? if I say something I think is stupid, I try and immediately forget what I just did… or else I’ll beat myself up too much!!!

    You are a real life MacGyver with all your duct tape and fixing chairs, hehe…

  3. I will look forward to hearing about your exercise thing works out!

    I admire the fact that you were able to repair your chair. Now your guests can sit in comfort and safety. So, you are hosting Thanksgiving?

    I can’t even begin to recall the many lame things I’ve said. Yours don’t seem so terrible and if they stand out in your mind, you must not make that many faux pas :-) Mine all blur together.

    Maybe some day you can fashion your hair into a sort of noose and strangle The Cackler. Oops, that was probably unnecessary :-)

    Vacations! Woo hoo! And NO FIRES!!!

  4. Eros: Thanks I’m excited about my vacation times. Can’t wait. This was fun! I hope you enjoy your new exercise toy. And great job fixing your chair. Skittles approved!

    Churlita: That’s true, thank you!

    NoRegrets: Very good advice, because I would definitely feel compelled to go overboard the first time using that thing. And I’m gonna try using the weight!

    Seb: That’s good advice to forget right away what I said! Not that I haven’t tried it, but you make it sound easy. :) Gotta love McGyver!

    Suze: Aw thanks! :D

    Laura B.: Haha, I loved the comment about the hair noose. Here’s an idea, how bout I make The Cackler test out the chair I fixed! And yup, I’m hosting Turkey Day! I’m excited.

    Silver: I think I can flirt better online than in person, but that’s still not saying much. I’m always jealous of people who go on vacation, wherever they go.

  5. Uhm, I don’t think “fluffy” is a compliment… at least I have never seen that word on a shampoo bottle. You should have said, “How about you just keep using that high C for target practice, mmmkay?”

    Happy chair-fixin-ab-circlin-awkward-moment-cringin to you, Tara!

    (yes. this is a popcorn moment. pop!)

  6. Well done on equipping yourself for exercise at home. The chair fixing sounds excellent, wish I could do that to our wobbly dining chairs! I’m sitting on one right now! I’ve said and done some stupid things and still do!! Yours don’t seem too bad to me, I thought the delivery guy one was good. Flirting requires a level of awareness that I seem oblivious to. I don’t know how many guys are similarly afflicted.

  7. FW: I could’ve sworn I replied to your comment! Anyway, I’m glad I finally confessed those awkward times on here, because now that they’re on my blog rather than in my head, they don’t seem so bad. I’m usually oblivious to flirting, but at that time I thought I had it in me to flirt.

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