“tomorrow I will change and today won’t mean a thing”

Today was a roller coaster ride of the many moods of Tara. No weird, anxious dreams, thankfully (although it is therapeutic to post them on here). I was feeling pretty good. Then on the way to work I saw some soon-to-be-roadkill. It was an animal hit by a car, but the poor thing wasn’t dead yet. As I drove past it, my mind turned into a pretzel while I tried to fight off tears.

First thought….“Oh gawd!! Ohhhh poor thing!”
Second thought…“Ohhhhh god!…” (more emotions are churning up, along with tears)
Third (after I vaguely greeted the receptionist – didn’t want her to see my teary eyes – and went into my domain to contain myself): “Should I have done something? Surely I couldn’t have tended to the poor thing myself, he/she is a wild animal and could be all diseased….But should I have called the animal warden? Oh my gawd, because I didn’t call right away, that animal is still out there suffering!”
Fourth: “I should call my mom and ask her what to do.”

Eventually all those thoughts calmed down and work crap replaced my concern for roadkill (I did not call my mom). Still, though, those thoughts and…the image…would crop up during the day. I got all red-nosed and tried to calm myself down in the bathroom, but a coworker walked in. Dang it. Can’t a woman have a moment?? Oh I guess since it’s a public facility…Anyway, not sure if she noticed, but we chatted for a bit…..her in a stall and me in front of the mirror adjusting my hair and calming down.

The rest of the day was pretty nice, actually. Then came 5pm or a little after. You’d think that, since it is the end of my shift I would be happy. Well I was! I had plans – I was going to go to a coffee shop/restaurant by myself and have a nice dinner. Then I’d go grocery shopping. Well the bookstore/restaurant is connected to the bank in a very small parking lot. I found a miracle spot, but then eventually realized it was marked on the ground for the handicapped. I got back into my car, swearing up a storm cloud because they should mark those spaces a little better). I threw my purse into the car and it emptied out onto the floor of my car. So after releasing more nasty words into the atmosphere, I gathered up the contents of my purse and jammed them into my purse. It was hot, I was tired and suddenly cranky again and I just didn’t feel like blending into the rest of society. So I drove off down the road to a fast food joint and pigged out in solitude while the girls who waited on me talked about a guy who has communication problems.

My appetite satisfied, I went grocery shopping. I got home just as the rain started pouring down. I got soaked on the way to the door. There are two old ladies that sit on a bench in the lobby of my apartment. They talk a lot, but if someone enters the room they stop talking completely. Maybe they’re spies incognito? Seriously, I doubt anyone cares what they’re talking about, and yet they stare at whoever walks in and out while they’re having their chatter sessions.

Anyway, I got home, exercised, and while finishing up my exercises my mom called. I told her about the day I had and especially about the barely alive (but literally kicking) roadkill. Just remembering it made me start choking up again, but I contained myself (Jeez – you know… I know it happens – 90% of the time it doesn’t effect me. I see it and say, “Aww, that’s a shame” or just “awwww”. It’s just that I usually see roadkill as “kill”, not something that is still…you know…moving. Blergh! Then of course there was that special time awhile back when the vehicle I was riding in was the cause of some roadkill. Let’s not go back to that moment).

So that brings me to this post. I don’t think there’s much else to post about today, but I could be wrong. Oh no! Wait! There’s more!

I went home for lunch and checked the mail. To my glee, there was something in the mail for me. Something specific – the CDs of our last choir concert! Many people might not think much of that excitement, but I stomped one of my feet and squealed with delight for three reasons: 1) That the recording guy was on his game and mailed stuff out as soon as possible instead of dawdling. 2) I was looking forward to hearing how we sounded because we sang our butts off during practice) and 3) Well….I was just excited, damn it!

How am I now, you might ask? Well, I’m mellow and listening to the choir CD. I will post some songs on here once I know how to do it again.

Now! How as your day??


10 thoughts on ““tomorrow I will change and today won’t mean a thing”

  1. Aw! You’re all emotional, Tara. I’m sorry you had to have the image of that poor little creature in your mind all day and that it upset you so much. Just try to think that it ended quickly after that and he went on to happier grounds.
    I’m glad that the day was a bit redeemed by the arrival of your choir CDs. I really am looking forward to hearing a selection or two.

  2. All those emotions means that you’re human; all that empathy means that you care. Some days are just really bad like that–once I had two flat tires on the same day! Had to get the tow truck for the second flat; then my car battery died while waiting for the tow truck to come out to the rural area about an hour out of town.

    I’m glad your day ended on a positive note. I’m really happy for you, because I know you worked hard in that choir. I’m really looking forward to the selections you’ll share.

  3. I’ve been the cause a few roadkills in my day. Unfortunately, there’s not much time to think when there is a car behind you and swerving to avoid the unintended target is out of the question.

    I like the end of the paragraph before the last one. You went all Billy Mays on us, “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE….!!!”

  4. Laura B: Well I saw it on the way back from lunch and it seemed dead. He/she is probably in greener pastures now.

    And thank you, I was so happy to get those CDs! I will definitely post some up, I found a way to do it.

    Eros: Oh I hate car problems. That’ll change a happy day, won’t it? Two flat tires in one day and a dead battery do not equal the best day in the world.

    AlienCG: Well I didn’t hit that critter with my own car, but remember the time the bus I was on hit that deer. Blah. But sometimes it is impossible to avoid it in traffic. I’ve been the cause a few roadkills in my day.

    Yeah – BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!! ORDER NOW AND I’LL THROW IN A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF SHAMWOW! (Although that’s a different guy who advertises those things)

  5. It’s so hard to see the animals like that. I wonder if it’s best to run over them again so they die quicker. Ugh…
    Yeah, I had a nasty day the other day, but just tried to pretend it wasn’t a bad luck streak.

  6. NoRegrets: I’m thinking someone may have done that to the animal, because later on he was still there but I think he was dead.

    No bad luck streaks – days are just like that sometimes. Thankfully a brand new day awaits tomorrow and the next.

  7. At least you care! Most people wouldn’t even worry about it, but it breaks my heart as well, do see a poor dead creature, or even worse one that is barely holding on to life in a battered state.

    On a happy note, I saved a baby rabbit (which my dog had caught) 6 months ago, looked dead, wasn’t really moving, but I brought it to a wildlife expert and they incubated it and helped it along and made it bond with other little rabbits. Ended up being released into the wild with his little friends… happy ending, yay!

  8. Seb: Aw, that’s such a wonderful miracle about that baby rabbit! Great job to Rambo, too, for finding it. :) That was smart thinking to take it to a wildlife expert!

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