Shake It Off, Shake It Off….

I heard something about me today that made me a little sad….okay, more than just a little. Nothing tragic or anything, and I hate that it’s bothering me, but it punched me in the gut. I was talking to a coworker this morning who was telling me how someone told her they perceived her as a totally different personality. We went deeper into the discussion and I remembered how in school, people thought I was stuck-up or a snob because I didn’t talk to many people. So I mentioned that. Then I heard this, “Yes, I’ve heard that about you here.”..Wait, whuh?? I stopped what I was talking about and said, “Really? People say that?” Then she said “Yeah, some people say ‘Tara doesn’t talk to anyone.'” Sure the word “snob” and “doesn’t talk to anyone” are not exactly the same thing, but the damage was done. It was then that I wished there was a rewind and erase button on my mouth. If I had not said that about school, I wouldn’t have heard about people at my current job thinking that I’m a snob. This is what made me sad, and I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t ask her who said that about me, because that really would’ve been juvenile. I know that just caring about it was bad enough. I mean I’m certainly not known as the socialite of the workplace, but I know myself and I’m definitely not a snob. I feel like my social skills have improved since school. I was extremely quiet in grade school, so much so that a few kids called me “The Mute”. But even back in school, at what seemed like the height of insecurity for me, those names didn’t shake me up too much. But now as a so-called adult, I am close to in tears over this new discovery. Crazy, right? There are so many people at work who I’d talk to more if I didn’t have a job to do, but even when I can’t, I try to make it a point to at least greet them and exchange “how are yous”. Why must people jump to the conclusion that quiet people are snobs? It doesn’t take a psychology class to make people consider the many reasons someone could be introverted. More importantly, why should I give a crap what people think? I can go weeks without letting thoughts like that bother me, but today is a totally different story.

So um…that’s all I have to say on the matter. Gotta shake it off.


19 thoughts on “Shake It Off, Shake It Off….

  1. The title says it all. Shake it off. You are not a snob at all, take it from me. Having met you and talked to you, I can say that you are a very good person. Pay no attention to what other people say about you. They’re not taking the time to get to know you.

  2. Maybe that’s just the way “she” perceives people that are quiet. Someone at work might’ve just said that you were “quiet” and she said what she did. Damn it – now I’m sad as I don’t like to see anyone hurt my girl’s feelings.

  3. I agree with Suze, this person’s comment to you may have been a bit off the mark. “Tara doesn’t talk to anyone” and “Tara is so quiet!” sound pretty different in the end, don’t they?
    Please don’t feel bad…I mean, I know you can’t help how you feel…but try not to put too much into this passing remark.
    From what you have said, it seems that you get along just fine with your coworkers. You are liked there…and LOVED here :-)

  4. I have the quiet tag (right now) at work. Around here that seems to indicate some sort of work-a-holic stauts or a “mean” tag. Oh well, so be it. I kind of like the so-called”negative pub”…my work personality is way different than out of Work Guy!!

  5. You just need a couple of margaritas… and a GOOD boyfriend. : )

    Honestly, it makes me a little sad to hear you are feeling sad, but remember that the comment was “Tara doesn’t talk to anyone” not “Tara is a snob.” And even though that comment is totalitarian and patently false, it has enough of a ring of truth to take you back to an earlier time when people were crueler than you and better at tennis… (haha, not me of course, I was lamers at tennis)

    The one comfort I always offer myself as any rumor is swirling is that people are too doggone self-centered to care about your life for long. Someone can roll of a ‘Tara doesn’t talk’ one second and be worried for their dog’s mange the next. You are right to instinctively brush this off. Let me know how it goes and if you really need to split a pitcher, i’ll come meet you for one. Deal?

  6. AlienCG: Thank you so much. I have, for the most part, let it go and am feeling a whole lot better than I did this morning.

    Suze: Now I’m sad that you’re sad because I was sad. We need to get back on track. I’m not sad anymore. Tired from being upset, but that’ll dissipate, but coffee takes care of that. :) You’re probably right about her perceptions of me.

    Laura B: Thank you, that means so much to me! And yes, “Tara doesn’t talk to anyone” and “Tara is so quiet” are definitely different.

    Evil-E: Yes, it’s true, there’s the work personality and then the off-work personality. They are not the same. And if word gets around that I’m in my office all day and don’t socialize, than wouldn’t that sound like I’m working hard? So shouldn’t we get more money for that? ;)

    Ksra: Right, a good boyfriend. ;) And thank you, after thinking things through, I realized nothing horrible was really said, and that I should forgive people who were better than I was in tennis. ;) “Girls, girls, please, please.”

  7. Everyone else said it. You’re no snob and you know it. As long as you’re a good worker and you’re not mean to people at work, you’re fine. The whole quiet thing just means you don’t gossip…which is actually a big plus because you’re out of the office drama.

    You’ll know how to shake it off and say, Eh, no big deal. You know who you are, and the people who really matter know you, too.

  8. Thank you, Eroswings! I eventually did shake it off and said in my head, “Eh, no big deal.” It was actually more like “Why the hell did I cry over it?” It’s true, the people who matter and know me, do know the actual truth.

  9. I’m giving you belated internets cuddles.

    Other people can think what they think. If they can’t be bothered getting to know you, then, quite frankly, that says much more about them than it does about you.

    You are a dear!

  10. Someone said a very similar thing about me yesterday. She wasn’t far from the truth, so I didn’t let it bother me. I’ve come to accept that I’m a quiet person and I don’t enjoy social situations or making “small talk”. If people want to say that makes me stuck up-well, that’s their problem.

  11. Silver: It’s true, that is their problem. And like T-Bird said, it says more about them than it does about us if they’re going to be so quick to judge. Screw em.

    I am sorry someone said that to you, though. Must’ve been in the air that day.

  12. Sounds like you’ve already recovered from the comments. Glad about that. And remember that if your friends say something, that’s one thing. If a coworker says something, it’s not the same thing. And ultimately, only you can choose what matters. I choose to only emphasize the positive. Which I suppose makes me delusional…

  13. A: I like that! Thank you! Introspective is a better word than those others! :)

    Nicotine: Yeah, I bounced back. Shouldn’t have gotten so emotional, but that’s me sometimes. I think it’s good to emphasize the positive!

  14. Pardon my French – but F@CK that b*tch’s comment about you! I’ve been in the same boat as you & I feel like every job I’ve been at, somebody has put a label on me when they don’t know even know the real me outside of work. I’ve always had social anxiety probs and at times I can be real friendly and talk away (sometimes talk too much when I’m nervous) and other times I would be so quiet I got labeled that way too – that I was a snob when that’s the complete opposite of me. Like you mentioned above, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out the difference between a snob and somebody who is quiet and minds their own business and sticks to their job (or whatever the situation may be!)

    The people that run their mouths about others, I’ve realized are the people with the most insecurities. Remember when Evil-E wrote about my ex friend – Bridezilla story! She was a flat out BITCH and always talked about everybody else behind their back, I just couldn’t take it anymore and was ashamed of myself for holding in my true feelings and not wanting to smack that b’itch.

    All in all, don’t let one person’s opinion get you down :) and in your head just remember the people who talk about others, have no life of their own :)!

  15. Renee: Haha, thank you! Your French is definitely welcome. I do remember your Bridezilla story. Ick, nobody deserves her kind of crap. It certainly doesn’t make her look good by spreading rumors all the time.

  16. I think everybody has said it pretty well, but I’ll just chime in and add that I don’t talk a lot at work,either. It’s mostly because, well, I’M FRACKING WORKING. I’m trying to not be fired here. If I have to choose between continued paycheck appearances and being thought off as a hail fellow well met, well, guess what? To borrow a line from Chris Rock, you’ll think I’m a jerk, but I’ll be a jerk who gets paid next Friday.

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